Defeat Satan

"Defeat Satan" is a mission in Saints Row: Gat out of Hell.^[2]

Overview

After infiltrating Satan's castle with Jezebel's aid in the previous cutscene, Johnny Gat was offered a deal by Satan; should he be the one to marry Jezebel, The Protagonist would be allowed to leave Hell alongside Kinzie Kensington. In the present, Johnny, however, crashes the wedding and, after releasing the safety on his gun, shoots Satan in the face. Johnny declares he killed Satan thanks to the Occam's razor principle; however, Satan throws him against a group of guards, pushes Jezebel away from the room and seals said room, then flees with The Protagonist's soul to his throne. As Johnny is surrounded by guards, however, Kinzie appears. The two take out the guards and focus on Satan.

After Johnny defeats Satan, the latter surrenders. Satan then banishes Johnny, Kinzie, Jezebel and The Protagonist back to The Ship, where Matt Miller and Shaundi are playing Trivial. The Protagonist, Kinzie and Jezebel then suddenly appear through a portal. After a quick check-up and introduction to Jezebel, Kinzie points out that Johnny is missing. At the same time, it is seen that Johnny was intercepted by God. God states that Johnny saved Heaven and, therefore, can ask a single favor from God; meet with Aisha, who went to Heaven after dying; be crowned as King of Hell, albeit having to leave the 3rd Street Saints to do so; find the Saints a new homeworld for humanity; have God recreate Earth, at the cost of retconning the entire Saints Row world; or get the answers to every question in the universe.

Gameplay

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Endings

Reunite Johnny with the love of his life.

Johnny enters the gates of Heaven, where Aisha awaits. The two walk to each other and kiss.

Crown Johnny the new King of Hell.

Johnny is looking at Hell inside of the Ultor building's tallest floor. Dane arrives and asks Johnny if he misses his friends. Johnny says he doesn't, as he believes they'll be there soon.

Find the Saints a new home world for what's left of humanity.

Johnny returns to The Ship, where Kinzie has found a perfect planet to serve as a homeworld. However, it is inhabited by a psychotic warlike race, making this their toughest fight ever. Johnny smiles and thanks God.

Have God recreate the Earth and retcon the entire world of Saints Row.

A mysterious man is seen walking through a hallway. The camera switches to a nearby room, where Kinzie and Matt, now with different outfits, speak of how they captured someone named Brimstone. Kinzie adds that, once the lieutenant arrives, they'll get Brimstone speaking. The lieutenant is revealed to be the mysterious man; Johnny, with a police badge wrapped around his neck.

Have God bestow Johnny with answers to all the questions of the universe.

Johnny is given the answers to every question in the universe. He replies with an "Ooooh" of satisfaction.

Rewards

Cash: 8000^[3]
Respect: None
Achievement: Satan Punchers (50)

Trivia

After the end of the mission, Gat is returned to New Hades regardless of the ending chosen.^[1]
Occam's razor is misspelled as "Okham's Razor".^[4]
The new planet in the "New Planet" ending has lights in the shape of a Fleur de lis.^[5]^[6]
Although Kinzie says the new planet is inhabitable, it would hardly be the case without major alterations. Gravity is higher than on Earth. Indicated mass (75 * 10^90 kg) is absurd since it's much heavier than the entire mass of the Universe, however assuming the planet has a density equal to that of Earth (discarding indicated mass), this would mean a gravity 40% higher, which is manageable since humans living on this planet would become a bit stronger to make up for it. Temperatures seem reasonable (67 °F would mean equal temperatures as in Earth, or 67 °C would mean temperatures may be good in polar regions), however with a much longer year (almost 3000 days, with shorter days it would equal to more than 3 terran years) seasons would have more temperature differences, although it also depends on this planet's axial tilt. However, surface pressure is a relevant issue since it's 62 bars (compared to Earth's 1 bar), requiring pressurized suits since it equals to the pressure under 600 meters of water.
Upon failing the mission, the mission name is not displayed.^[7]
The mission can be played infinite amount of times.
Starting this mission as Kinzie plays unique dialogue between her and Johnny.

Transcript

Cutscene #1

Jane Austen (narrating): "The time had come for the black wedding that would unite Johnny and Jezebel as hell's new power couple."
Jane Austen (narrating): "The tabloids were already calling them "Johnny-bel.""
Jane Austen (narrating): "But Johnny had something different in mind."
Johnny Gat: "Hey, Satan!"

Johnny shoots Satan in the face

Johnny Gat: "You wanna get outta here?"
Jezebel: "I can't believe that worked."
Johnny Gat: "Okham's Razor. So you rea-"

Satan kicks Johnny in the face and throws Jezebel out of the throne room

Satan: "Playtime is over Mr. Gat. Save them if you can."
Johnny Gat: "I love weddings."

— Opening cutscene

Gameplay

Kinzie Kensington: "He's all yours, Johnny."
Johnny Gat: "I got this!"

Satan - Option #1: "You're in my domain, mortal..."
Satan - Option #2: "Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell!"
Satan - Option #3: "Come, then, mortal, and I'll feast on your soul!"
Satan - Option #4: "What hope do you have against the Prince of Lies..."

— Before the fight^[8]

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Cutscene #2

Jane Austen (narrating): "And like that, the battle had ended."
Jane Austen (narrating): "Satan could no longer suffer the indignity of being beaten by a mortal and disobeyed by his daughter and so he banished them from perdition."
Jane Austen (narrating): "But still all was not well?"

Back on The Ship

Matt Miller: "That was a direct order from your captain!"
Shaundi: "You're worse than Pierce."
Matt Miller: "Trivia night is sacred, you don't get to quit just because you know fuck-all about pop culture."
Shaundi: "Who knows the name of the NyteBlayde episode where they introduced NyteBlaydette?"
Matt Miller: "It was called "The Meaning of Reconciliation" and it was directed by Kym Steyn!"
Shaundi: "I can't believe Asha sleeps with you."
Matt Miller: "I can't believe you don't."

The Protagonist, Kinzie and Jezebel get kicked out from Hell

Shaundi: "Boss, are you ok?"
The Protagonist: "Yeah, I'm fine..."
Jezebel: "What is this place?"
Matt Miller: "Whoa whoa whoa, who the fuck is that?"
The Protagonist: "Her name's Jezebel, she's The Devil's daughter."
Shaundi: "Pierce is gonna have a heart attack."
The Protagonist: "Eh, she likes to sing, Pierce'll dig her."
Matt Miller: "I don't think that-"
The Protagonist: "Can you rock The Narrator from Joseph?"
Jezebel: "Psh, yeah."
The Protagonist: "She'll be fine."
Kinzie Kensington: "Guys, where's Johnny?"
Jane Austen (narrating): "Our hero had not yet returned to the mortal coil, for he was waylaid by none other than God himself."
God: "I have a situation."
Johnny Gat: "Look man, I really just wanna go home."
God: "I owe you."
Johnny Gat: "What."
God: "Zinyak hastened the apocalypse."
God: "St. Peter's a good guy, bless his heart, but he was processing souls way too slowly."
God: "With the destruction of Earth, Satan had the numbers to storm Heaven..."
God: "All he needed was The President of The United States to lead them."
Johnny Gat: "What, you think I couldn't do it?"
God: "No, I think you wouldn't do it. Aisha's up here."
Johnny Gat: "I wanna see her."
God: "Slow down, buddy. I said that I owe you, and I'll make good on that, but I want you to know your options?"
Jane Austen (narrating): "And now you, dear reader, shape the tale?"
Jane Austen (narrating): "If you want to see Johnny reunited with the love of his life, turn to page 31."
Jane Austen (narrating): "If you want to see The Devil defeated and Johnny crowned the new King of Hell, turn to page 13."
Jane Austen (narrating): "If you want the Saints to find a new home world for what's left of humanity, turn to page 62."
Jane Austen (narrating): "If you want God to recreate the Earth, but in doing so retcon the entire world of It's all about Respect, turn to page 124."
Jane Austen (narrating): "And finally, if you want God to bestow Johnny with answers to all the questions of the universe, turn to page 248."

— Post-fight cutscene

Endings

Jane Austen (narrating): "Johnny realized that this was his one chance to make it into Heaven. He had to take it."
Johnny Gat: "Hey Eesh."
Jane Austen (narrating): "The End."

— "Reunite Johnny with the love of his life" ending

Jane Austen (narrating): "In Hell's weakened state, the Heavenly Host made short work of Satan and those who were loyal to him. Soon, Johnny was the new ruler of Hell."
Dane Vogel: "Kinda pretty isn't it."
Johnny Gat: "Yeah... it kind of is."
Dane Vogel: "Do you miss your friends?"
Johnny Gat: "Nah, I know they'll be down here in no time."
Jane Austen (narrating): "The End."

— "Crown Johnny the new King of Hell." ending

Jane Austen (narrating): "As much as he loved Aisha, Johnny couldn't abandon his friends and the rest of humanity..."
Johnny Gat: "There it is."
Kinzie Kensington: "The planet itself looks perfect. Oxygen based, lush forests, clean water, fertile soil..."
Johnny Gat: "What's the catch?"
Kinzie Kensington: "It appears to be inhabited by a psychotic warlike race... this is going to be our toughest fight yet."
Johnny Gat: "Thank you God."
Jane Austen (narrating): "The End."

— "Find the Saints a new home world for what's left of humanity." ending

Jane Austen (narrating): "Johnny knew that he couldn't choose his own happiness at the expense of humanity."
Jane Austen (narrating): "And so he asked God to reshape the world... hoping that maybe. Just maybe. In this new life, he could find his friends again."
Matt Miller: "It's really her."
Kinzie Kensington: "I can't believe we've bagged Brimstone."
Matt Miller: "It doesn't make sense. She's evaded capture for years. Why would she drop the ball now?"
Kinzie Kensington: "I don't know. When the Lt. gets to interrogation, Brimstone's gonna talk."
Jane Austen (narrating): "The End."

— "Have God recreate the Earth and retcon the entire world of Saints Row." ending

Jane Austen (narrating): "There were so many questions that Johnny needed answers to."
Jane Austen (narrating): "Why did good people suffer? Was there a way to bring peace to all mankind?"
Jane Austen (narrating): "What was the secret to making a perfect lobster bisque?"
Johnny Gat: "Ohhhh?"
Jane Austen (narrating): "The End."

— "Have God bestow Johnny with answers to all the questions of the universe." ending