Christmas Text Adventures

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Christmas Text Adventures are collectibles in the How the Saints Save Christmas DLC for Saints Row IV.

Overview

The Christmas Text Adventures are similar to the regular Text Adventures. Except that they were written by Future Shaundi, and tell the story of an "alternate" timeline set after the events of Saints Row IV in which a "Christmas-hating" warlord called Clawz takes over the Earth, ruins Christmas, defeats the 3rd Street Saints, and forces Earth's inhabitants into slave labor. The focus is primarily on how the survivors come up with a plan to stop him, building up to the events of How the Saints Save Christmas.

Image	Section
Holidays Past And Present
	START When I was a child, Christmas was my favorite day of the year. My family was always crazy busy with work and school but, when December 25th rolled around, it was all about family. Just us, some music, snow on the ground, and a tree that reached the ceiling. It was magic. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE As I got older, the holiday became less and less special. My siblings went away, my parents broke up, but I always held Christmas in my heart. I believed in Santa. I needed Santa. Little did I know that Santa... WASN'T REAL WAS DEAD HAD BEEN KIDNAPPED
	WASN'T REAL Are you crazy? Santa is too real. BACK
	WAS DEAD What? No way. Santa can't die. Duh, he's an *elf*. BACK
	HAD BEEN KIDNAPPED No one knew at first. The Christmas Spirit was so strong that everything at the North Pole just kept on going as if nothing happened. Of course, the elves and Mrs. Claus knew Santa was gone but they also knew that the world must never know. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE If the people of Earth learned Santa was in trouble - in true mortal peril, what would raise their spirits during dark times? What would Christmas mean anymore? And so it was that Santa's closest friend, an elf named Twinkle, took over Kringle's annual route and no one was the wiser. Until... TWINKLE LOST AN EYE A STRANGE VISITOR ARRIVED ONE DAY MRS. CLAUS TOOK OVER GIFT DELIVERY
	TWINKLE LOST AN EYE What's the deal with everyone's obsession over people losing eyes? BACK
	MRS. CLAUS TOOK OVER GIFT DELIVERY Mary had her hands full overseeing every other aspect of the operation. The last thing she wanted to do was deliver the presents too. Plus, she's allergic to reindeer dander. BACK
	A STRANGE VISITOR ARRIVED ONE DAY The elves had toiled tirelessly without Santa for decades, constantly worrying about their beloved patriarch and eagerly awaiting some good news about the jolly old elf, so the arrival of a visitor piqued everyone's interest. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE This visitor, with his shimmering eyes and long white beard, would have been a dead ringer for St. Nick in his early years - before all those dinners of milk and cookies led to his considerable paunch - but this was no merry elf. No, this was... KRAMPUS| SANTA'S BROTHER, TERRY SOMETHING ELSE
	KRAMPUS I'm afraid Krampus and Santa stopped speaking centuries ago. No one knows the specifics but Mrs. Claus bets it had to do with their semi-annual card game. Apparently, Nick is a bit of a sore loser when it comes to Texas Hold 'Em. BACK
	SANTA'S BROTHER, TERRY Terry Claus? Is that supposed to be some kind of pun? BACK
	SOMETHING ELSE Well, obviously. But, really, that's as good a description as any. The visitor who came was a mangled and angry spirit who hated everything about holidays and cheer and snow and elves and reindeer and stockings and core synergistic initiatives to streamline toy production without resulting in outsourcing domestic jobs to politically lopsided countries with lax labor laws. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE He called himself Clawz. We had no idea at the time that this dark monstrosity was ripped right from Santa's brain. That St. Nick's captor, an alien overlord named Zinyak, was breaking Santa's mind, piece by piece. Zinyak had taken everything good in Kringle, crumpled it up, spat on it, and dipped it in evil. The result was Clawz, Santa's dark shadow. Zinyak had sent Clawz to the North Pole: TO DESTROY THE HOLIDAYS| TO GET THE LEGIONS OF THE ZIN EMPIRE SOMETHING NICE FOR CHRISTMAS BY MISTAKE
	TO GET THE LEGIONS OF THE ZIN EMPIRE SOMETHING NICE FOR CHRISTMAS Hardly. BACK
	BY MISTAKE *sigh* Can you at least try to be serious? BACK
	TO DESTROY THE HOLIDAYS And he was successful. Christmas fell. The North Pole burned. And as the joy drained from the season, the spirit of the world turned as to sackcloth. But that is a different story. TO BE CONTINUED...
The Rise Of Clawz
	START The assault on the North Pole was swift and brutal. The elves mounted a valiant resistance but, with no Santa to give them the holiday boost they needed, even they knew they ultimately could not win. It didn't help matters any that Santa's most trusted elf, and the one who had taken over gift-giving duties in his absence, had been persuaded to Clawz's side. I am, of course, talking about? TWINKLE TURTLE TEACUP
	TURTLE Turtle? What kind of name is that for an elf? A pixie, maybe, but an elf? BACK
	TEACUP No, she was let go following a workplace "incident." BACK
	TWINKLE If there's one bright spot to Santa's incarceration by Zinyak, it's that the jolly old elf didn't have to see his best friend in the world turn against him in the holiday's darkest hour. Santa would have been shattered. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE I wish I could tell you that Clawz had coerced, threatened, or bullied Twinkle into allying with the foul creature's plan, but the truth was far pettier than that. Twinkle was simply tired of being the replacement Santa. The elf took to Clawz's cause with gusto. It was a dark time. Worst still, was that Twinkle knew Christmas's one true weakness. He knew the one thing that would irreparably turn the tide against Mrs. Claus and the elf resistance: MARY'S CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE THE NORTH POLE THE COMBO TO SANTA'S SAFE
	MARY'S CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE The secret ingredient is love. And bourbon. BACK
	THE COMBO TO SANTA'S SAFE It's 1-2-2-5. Nobody's surprised by that, right? BACK
	THE NORTH POLE The source of Santa's power and the most potent weapon in the elven arsenal. Crafted by the shop's most-talented elves and blessed by Father Christmas himself, the North Pole is a weapon capable of channeling holiday cheer into a blast of such high intensity it can level a large city in a mushroom cloud of concentrated happiness. It also smells faintly like peppermint. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE But no one - not Mary, not Santa, not even Blitzen on one of his drinking binges - would dare unleash its power. If the North Pole fell into Twinkle's hands - into Clawz's hands - then all would be lost. Clawz unleashed a full-on assault. His army was unstoppable. The first to fall were: THE SNOWMAN GRENADIERS THE FLYING REINDEER THE CIDER BOYS ELVEN MILITIA
	THE SNOWMAN GRENADIERS The snowmen are not allowed to carry weapons. It only causes problems. BACK
	THE CIDER BOYS ELVEN MILITIA The subject of a short-lived reality show on WELF, the Cider Boys Elven Militia never could do much of anything right. BACK
	THE FLYING REINDEER You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen? They were the first to die. Clawz and his evil army put their heads on pikes and paraded them around the workshop. It wasn't long after that, as I would later learn, that Clawz built his team of mechanical creatures: the RoboDeer. CONTINUE
	CONTINUE It wasn't long before the elf resistance - and all of Christmas - was in shambles. Clawz locked Mary away on a remote ice floe and claimed the North Pole for his own. But he was unable to wield it - because it relied on the power of giving, even if it was a WMD. But it didn't matter, for Clawz was in charge now. The sky over the workshop darkened and Twinkle, that traitor, became a slavedriver. The only hope the world had was: A RENEGADE ELF A GROUP OF WACKY TEENAGERS TO SING A SONG AROUND A CHRISTMAS TREE
	A GROUP OF WACKY TEENAGERS *sigh* No. BACK
	TO SING A SONG AROUND A CHRISTMAS TREE I'm glad you're able to joke during a time like this. BACK
	A RENEGADE ELF Tinsel was his name. This lone elf managed to break off from the others and escape the ever-watching eye of Twinkle and Clawz. Tinsel went to find help, to turn back time if necessary, in order to save the holidays. And he would find it. But not before the entire world got put on the Naughty List. TO BE CONTINUED...
A Christmas Peril
	Part 1
	Part 2
	Part 3
	Part 4
	Part 5
	Part 6
	Part 7
	Part 8
	Part 9
	Part 10
A Full-Frosted Assault
	Part 1
	Part 2
	Part 3
	Part 4
	Part 5
	Part 6
	Part 7
	Part 8
Tinsel
	Part 1
	Part 2
	Part 3
	Part 4
	Part 5
	Part 6
	Part 7
	Part 8
	Part 9
Operation Holiday Hustle
	Part 1
	Part 2
	Part 3
	Part 4
	Part 5
	Part 6
	Part 7
	Part 8
	Part 9
Last Ditch Effort
	Part 1
	Part 2
	Part 3
	Part 4
	Part 5
	Part 6
	Part 7
	Part 8
	Part 9
	Part 10
	Part 11
	Part 12
	Part 13
The Future
	Part 1
	Part 2
	Part 3
	Part 4
	Part 5
	Part 6
	Part 7
	Part 8
	Part 9
	Part 10
	Part 11
	Part 12
	Part 13
	Part 14
	Part 15
	Part 16

Trivia

• In Future Shaundi's timeline, Johnny Gat gets killed for "real". A traitorous elf named Twinkle, who was working for Clawz, shoots an RPG at him from near-point-blank range.
  • Playa would also be held captive in Clawz's office while the Saints were working in the mines, and would later be taken by Clawz when he goes to take over the rest of the universe.
• Future Shaundi's injuries and cybernetic implants were a result of Twinkle and friendly fire during combat against RoboRudolph:
  • Twinkle ripped off Shaundi's arm just before killing Johnny. Shaundi's cybernetic arm was implanted under Twinkle's behest to make her work in the mines, although Shaundi would later use her cybernetic arm in killing Twinkle.
  • Shaundi's eye was shoot out by her Crimson Cowboy while fighting RoboRudolph when the pellet ricocheted back at her, and would later get a cybernetic eye implanted made from parts that came from RoboRudolph.
• According to Future Shaundi, Clawz was created from Santa by Zinyak. Born in The Simulation, grown in The Simulation, made evil by The Simulation, and given both life and power by The Simulation. Then sent by Zinyak personally to destroy the North Pole.
  • It is unknown how Zinyak had managed to kidnap Santa. All that's mentioned is that one day... Santa just disappeared.
  • It is also unknown how Zinyak (in the alternate timeline) was able to bring Clawz out of Santa's mind in The Simulation and give him a physical form in the real world with which he could use to destroy the North Pole and take control of the Earth. All that's mentioned is that he "did".
• Thanks to Future Shaundi's help in How the Saints Save Christmas, Santa is released from his Simulation in the present-day Saints timeline, and the future was "rewritten". As a result, upon returning to her own time via time travel, Future Shaundi discovers that Playa was saved and Johnny Gat was alive, and that she's no longer the only Shaundi in existence anymore.
  • This "other" Future Shaundi is not seen, but she is described as having short hair and "no" cybernetic implants or limbs. Kinzie explains that they started an alternate timeline and that the other Shaundi never had to deal with Clawz and Twinkle, which would explain why she has no cybernetic limbs.

Gallery

• Slideshow
• Thumbnails

• Christmas Text Adventures - A World without Christmas Cover and Contents
• Christmas Text Adventures title

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Christmas Text Adventures - A World without Christmas Cover and Contents

Christmas Text Adventures title